Just Tammy

I don’t know what’s going on with me lately. Love songs are making me weepy, I get extremely lonely when normally I’m ok with my alone times. I’ve been thinking about Rob way too much lately. I think knowing we have NO contact is just odd too me. He removed me as a Netflix friend so I guess it was time to break that tie. But I don’t think that bothers me too much. Part of me is happy I wont receive that phone call or go to dinner and we end up in bed. I’m happy I don’t have that pressure but another part of me feels like I was left alone to find my way home but where is home exactly? I’m trying not to get blue but its getting worst and worst. I even tried to hang with Jason but he’s only going to want sex. I need something more….I just need to be held. I love sex and all but for some reason it goes deeper than that. Its scary because I feel like I’m falling into an abyss and wonder if I will survive. I need to reschedule my sessions with Dr. Susan, she really did help me because I was

Sometimes I wonder who I am. I wonder who this woman really is? On 11/18/08 I had Gastric Bypass, it wasn't an easy decision nor was it quick it was 5-6 years in the making. But its one of the best decisions I made for me and my health. In the last 20 days I've lost 20 lbs....so a pound a day. Part of me needs to hold on to that fat girl because she's been with me for so long. But another part of me knows I need to let her go and just be. But who and what will i be? My mom fears a slut with bad fashion sense. I told her I went through my slut phase so she doesn't have to worry about that. My sister thinks I will buy more clothes than i can actually wear....I think that's closer to what I think but I like living away from mom so rent comes first. My brother is just wondering how can he rag on me now the weight is dropping off. I hope this helps me....no DRIVES me to do the things I've always wanted to do, try the things that frighten me, either conquer and succee