Just Tammy

And I liked it. I know it's wrong and he'll never be mines. This saddens me. As usual I will be left alone...

Sometimes I'm angry at my parents....very charismatic yet very anti social. That's me minus the charisma. I can't talk to mother because she will try to rope me into her next venture or make snide comments about what I like to do. I can't talk to my dad because it becomes a lecture. I can't talk to my brothers because that requires emotions. I can't talk to my sister cause....I could call but she's always busy. My mother says my dysfunctional childhood was something I made up but in reality she made up some pretty life on her head. I hate when people blame their childhood on their mistakes as adults. But I'm starting to see some childhood issues have effected my life. How to I leave the past in the past?

People use the term BFF, besties, best friends way too loosely. In truth those people you call besties can you depend on them in a jam? I can truly say I can count on 1 hand how many people I can depend on and even that's with some restrictions. But way make more than it seems? Why put these crazy labels on something that's not really that way? Is it because you WANT the BFF who will hold your hand every time the world does you wrong? Or is he/she someone who will give you their last dime & clothes off their back to make sure your happy. Seriously grow some because that shit ain't real. Being a besties as you twitter people like to say will help you grow some balls and help when it's needed but don't drain your source people, even the best person can take the whoa is me shit. Being a BFF or simply a friend works both ways. It's hard work to maintain it but making the effort is half the battle. I've been on both ends of the spectrum, I've

I can't sleep tonight....I'm exhausted and sleepy but every time I try to shut down my mind goes crazy. When it comes to men I simply go for the unattainable....kinda hoping it will workout but the reality is....I know it never will. Not that they're out of my league bit I should avoid them at all cost. Their track record alone should make me stay clear. But here I am flirting it up with another attainable. It's a horrible cycle which makes me question my mental state. Why do I do this? What am I afraid of? Don't I deserve more? I can answer that.....Fuck yeah I do but I stay on this horrible path. It's not my fetishes...even there I'm leery. What the fuck is wrong with me? 35 going on 16....simply not cute. I'm stuck and I simply want off this ride.