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Too Old for Bullshit

Someone called me a snitch. a snitch . I should care because I'm not but people are constantly judging me. First Vanessa someone I actually knew and now a group of people I don't know it real life. I keep my distance for a reason yet people have found a way to hurt me. I keep telling myself I shouldn't let it get under my skin but this is my character they're talking about. If I did something to wrong you then let me fix it or just live with the consequences but to just shun me with no explanation....a bitter pill to swallow. When all the shit with down I never once said let me run to Emmy, Jutz or Nicole and tell them what so and so said. In fact when i started I just stop reading because I had shit to do and why pour salt in a wound about silly shit. Then some fucker accuses me of telling someones business? Hey guess what if you're not a celeb I don't gossip about it. Sorry got shit to do. But yet someone accused me of spreading shit. I purposely sta
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Pushing forward....March 2013

Thsi March I will really work on my.....book. Lord I never thought I would say those words. I think I need to do it for me and no one else. Yeah I've done fanfiction and I'm not one those classic writers that has a huge following which leads to a book/movie deal. I'm just a girl with story ideas and want to share them. My writing is probably the closest people will get to me emotionally and mentally. Its sad but I have to close myself off from people. I allow them to hurt me - too much knowledge. I will do it. I need to find a writing group. I need to be critiqued but I afraid of people who judge me....then again anyone who reads my stuff on fanfiction has judged me. Part of me refuses to let my guard down and another part of me needs to just deal with it. Will do this!
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Just another dose of fear....

I set goal and instantly fail. Weird I know. I want to write an original manuscript but I haven't. I wonder what holds me back. Other than fear. I need to do this....I HAVE to do this.
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Location: Los Angeles, CA 90013, USA
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I wish....

I wish I was loved. Just be myself & loved. But I know I'm going to grow old & die alone. No kids or husband to mourn me.
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Cravings...

Those who want to be free & independent find relationships all the time. But the one that craves to be loved is the loneliest person in the room.
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We kissed....

And I liked it. I know it's wrong and he'll never be mines. This saddens me. As usual I will be left alone...
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Location: La Brea Los Angeles
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Family....ha!

Sometimes I'm angry at my parents....very charismatic yet very anti social. That's me minus the charisma. I can't talk to mother because she will try to rope me into her next venture or make snide comments about what I like to do. I can't talk to my dad because it becomes a lecture. I can't talk to my brothers because that requires emotions. I can't talk to my sister cause....I could call but she's always busy. My mother says my dysfunctional childhood was something I made up but in reality she made up some pretty life on her head. I hate when people blame their childhood on their mistakes as adults. But I'm starting to see some childhood issues have effected my life. How to I leave the past in the past?
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